When my husband was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, we were shocked, never even having suspected this illness. He had always been relatively healthy, and then one day he couldn't eat anymore.
It all began a few months before the diagnosis. He felt an uneasy heaviness in his chest, but he couldn't quite explain what it was to the doctor. Since my husband was in his late fifties, the doctor sent him for a stress test to check his heart. The tests came back well within the normal range, so the doctor wasn't concerned.
Fast forward three months later, my husband vomited a few times in a week and he lost some weight. Then, suddenly, he couldn't keep food or liquid down. From the first time he vomited until we had our doctor appointment, ten days passed and he lost twelve pounds.
We discovered with esophagus cancer there can be few or hardly any symptoms, and the ones that show up, typically heartburn, are sometimes ignored. He had had some incidences of heartburn throughout the years, but nothing that seemed significant enough to go see a doctor about.
By the time the symptoms created the weight loss, the doctor immediately ordered tests and we found out within two days there was a good possibility it may be cancer. This diagnosis was confirmed upon further testing and we were told they suspected the cancer had spread to the lymph system. There were two tumors on his esophagus and a larger tumor at the junction of the stomach and esophagus.
We were both incredibly shocked and stressed by the diagnosis, especially in lieu of the fact that we had three children, the youngest being eleven. We carefully weighed the options the doctors presented, and there were not many. There were traditional treatments, which both doctors recommended, and then there were alternative modalities which a friend of ours suggested. After meeting with the traditional doctors, we then met with a holistic doctor who outlined non-invasive treatments. My husband felt alternative medicine gave him a chance of having a better quality of life as opposed to doing the chemo and radiation treatments.
When friends and acquaintances found out we were not following the traditional medical route, some of their reactions took me by surprise. Even though medical treatment of any kind is a personal issue, we were openly questioned about our decision to pursue holistic methods. After being repeatedly questioned, I began to get defensive about my husband's treatment any time it was brought up. We had decided what was best for him and I supported his choice 100 percent.
When people voiced their concern over our decision, I felt as if they were saying how dare we not do the best we could for him. I know in hindsight I was being overly sensitive, but I got into a few arguments-feeling as if I had to be on the defense. Due to my high stress level with the illness and being a full time caretaker, I was running on adrenalin all the time.
On one occasion, I even got in a yelling match with a friend of my husband's in our house. The man had had too much to drink and questioned why we had decided not to do the chemo. He tried to convince us to reconsider. I told him it was our choice and we felt we were doing the best we would, but he would not drop the conversation. I told him that it wasn't his business, and then he broke down and began to cry.
Sensing his real concern, all the fight left me as I put my arm around him while he cried. I had not wanted to fight with anyone, my whole concern was for my husband, but then I realized there were others who cared about us also, and who only wanted the best for him. They cared, but it didn't make it any easier dealing with emotions pushed to the limits.
Perhaps it may have been better to simply tell people we were doing the best we could, using traditional and holistic means. Sometimes people just don't understand the strain a family is placed under, while in the throes of a terminal illness.
©2008
Elaine Williams is a writer across various genres. She is a mother and a widow of four years. She can be contacted at onwingspress@yahoo.com - http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com
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