Mommy moments come in all forms of days at the park, backyard BBQs, or meetings at the pool. They are a great time to get to know other mothers and share activities as well as advice. But as the number of women who live with chronic illness such as chronic fatigue syndrome and lupus continues to grow, so does the spontaneity of the fun of these mommy moments.
For example, according to the National Fibromyalgia Association, fibromyalgia (FM) experts estimate that about 10 million Americans and approximately 5 percent of the population worldwide suffer with FM, one of the fastest growing auto-immune diseases in the USA. I recently attended an adoptive mom's playgroup and within this niche group, three out of the six of us had chronic illnesses. Being aware of a friend's limitations and challenges, acknowledging them, and just asking questions, can make a huge impact in their ability to participate and feel comfortable with their peers.
[1]. Ask what time of the day is good for play-dates or activities. This can vary from season to season (weather affects it a great deal); and also from one illness to another. For some moms, mornings are good and afternoons are exhausting; for others it's the other way around.
[2] Be flexible and don't make her feel guilty if she must cancel. Having a chronic illness means each day is unpredictable. Last week I took one step and my knee was locked up for four days. I winced in pain as I did heat and medication therapy while my husband worked at home. All my plans were cancelled and I had no advance notice.
[3] Ask questions such as "how far are you comfortable walking today?" and try to accommodate. Remember a two-block walk to the park may seem like miles for her. Stairs may be difficult if not impossible so take the elevator with her. When she walks keep a pace with her and realize she may have to take rest stops even while walking small distances. Chase after her kids and let her have a few minutes of rest. Standing for long can also be challenging. What looks like a short line for the carousel may be impossible for her to withstand. Offer to stand in line and let her jump in later.
[4] Ask polite questions about her illness, such as "what is your greatest challenge?" Avoid telling her about the cures you've heard for her illness; the products you may sell that could help her; or about your mother's cousin's sister who has the same illness but still manages to raise five children and work full-time.
[5] Simple things that may be difficult for her. For example, if you go to the beach, ask her if she'd like to be dropped off with some stuff and save you a spot. She may not be able to plop down on the hard sand so remember to bring a few lawn chairs so she isn't the only one two feet above the others. Most people on medication need shade and limited sun exposure. And don't expect her to carry the cooler, the poodle, the beach toys and watch the twin 2-year-olds while you park the car. While you don't want to make her feel helpless, and she doesn't want the attention, be aware that she may need some extra considerations.
[6] Don't assume that she can take care of your children unless she volunteers. Watching kids is exhausting and just taking care of her own may be all she can handle for the moment. Plus, if your kids play in the street, when a car comes she's not going to be able to jump three tricycles and sprint to grab their little hands nearly as fast as you could.
[7] Plan activities that she can be a part of. While you may love your stroller exercise groups, and mommy and me gym classes, these may not be possible for her. Find out what types of things she likes to do and then ask if you can join her for these. Keep the activities under two or three hours; even though you may typically go to the zoo for six hours, understand that she may need to leave earlier than you. Don't say, "A little more walking may do you some good!"
[8] Lastly, say the words to her that every mom wants to hear: "You are an amazing mom and I don't know how you do it all. I truly admire your perseverance and strength."
Get 40 free pages of "Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend" by Lisa Copen when you sign up for HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the director of Invisible Illness Awareness Week.
Cancer Article Source: http://www.eArticlesOnline.com
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
Post a Comment